Slut-o-ween

I'm a slut. You know it (possibly because of the blog's title). I know it. My ex-fiancé made sure everyone knows it. So, yes, at least we're all on the same page on that matter.

Enter: Halloween. Yes, halloween, the one time a year where all of us sluts (and by all of us I mean everyone who has ovaries, obviously) are free to let our slut flag fly by dressing in costumes that usually have the word "sexy" or "sassy" in front of them for marketing purposes (let's be real, slutty is all they mean by those two qualifiers; that or, "hey, I can almost see your vag and nipples, thanks!").

I've found myself completely and utterly excited for this Halloween. Chalk it up to not having a proper childhood (the fact that my mother thought springing for costumes was a waste of money) or being with someone who didn't like going out (at all) or dressing for Halloween for six years. I'm an adult, and I'm excited about Halloween, end of story.

My quest to find this year's costumes (yes, there is more than one) began in July. If you have ovaries and are above a certain age (usually ten), you can sympathize with my conundrum: I've seen more modest attire in Victoria's Secret. And, because I'm a slut, and because I think Halloween is all about dressing up as someone that you are not, being a slutty [insert any costume here, really, ANY] just didn't appeal to me.

I briefly considered going as the eleventh doctor (God bless Matt Smith) from Dr. Who, but I didn't want to spend all night explaining to people who I was supposed to be, and why I am a woman dressing as a male character. It's too confusing for people. It's just not my place to make their brain hurt. I'm nice that way.

For the sake of anonymity, and covering most of my bases, I'm not about to disclose my three costume choices (you can't be too careful on the internet), but I will say that although one of them is very skintight, it covers every inch of my body. So that's a win in my book. The other two are harmless. While I could have a free slut pass for Halloween, I choose not to use it because it perpetuates a double-standard for women.

"Hey women, you have ovaries, you can dress like sluts for Halloween, we boys like it when you do that, but remember, you can't actually act like sluts. And days where it's not halloween, go back to not dressing like sluts and not being sluts."

But, hey, in a world where Mitt Romney is a candidate for president, we have to count the small victories, right?