I Like Pretty (Wedding) Stuff

I recently received an e-mail from Glamour promising tips on how to look better in pictures. I clicked on it. I mean, who doesn't want to learn tricks to look better in pictures? Right?

Wrong. The article was geared toward the newly engaged. Cue eye-roll.

Here I was, reading an article that just highlighted the facts that:

1. You only have to worry about pictures being taken of you when you have a ring on your finger.
2. I am not currently wearing a ring on my finger (ergo I don't deserve to learn tricks to look better in pictures).

So I read the article even though I have an empty finger, and proceeded to click on a link to other articles and slideshows featuring wedding dresses (and pink... PINK wedding dresses are gorgeous). Cue double eye-roll. I think I may be catching wedding fever (again). 

See, the thing is that I spent so much time repressing my wedding fever in my previous relationship, that when me and my ex got engaged, I no longer had to pretend to not be fascinated by weddings. I could browse through every wedding blog known to man and not be seen as a desperate, clingy chick. 

I never became a bridezilla because my mother and ex soon took control of the wedding planning, but I was still allowed to look at wedding stuff without my internal judge kicking in and saying, "Oh, sweetie, you're not even engaged."

When that sad excuse of a relationship crashed and burned magnificently, I had no desire whatsoever to look at wedding stuff. I didn't even want to deal with my already purchased wedding dress, shoes, and the rest of my attire. I just didn't want the words engagement or wedding to ever come in contact with my vocabulary ever again. Then reality slaps you and brings about emotions you can't quite explain.

You'd think a  failed attempt at walking down the aisle to the wrong man would damper my wedding thoughts. You'd think that, but because my thoughts so often defy logic and rational explanations, you'd be wrong. Oh so wrong.

I find it hard to not judge myself on this one. On the one hand, I understand that there's nothing fundamentally wrong with admiring pretty things. On the other hand, I think it's not classy to be looking at wedding stuff when plans of a wedding are not even a speck in my horizon, if it ever comes to that again.

One of my dearest friends says that it's ok that I look at this stuff because it means I'm happy in the relationship, and at least I'm not secretly pinning it to a Pinterest board (this is why I don't have Pinterest, people). 

So, yes, I'll continue to look, but I also hope to keep myself in check and not devolve into some sad girl who tries to prod her boyfriend to propose. Because that wouldn't be fun for either one of us.