Grad School's Bitch

The more educated I "get," the more I start to wonder if it's worth it. Of course, an education has been one of the most important things in my life for me, and pursuing a graduate degree in what I love was one of the non-negotiable aspects in life. In fact, you could say I'm now single because I left my home to pursue a master's degree (on that front: best decision ever). However, with graduation looming in the near, near future, the graduate school bubble has burst and I'm left with the following:

• My graduate degree in the humanities will not allow me to make a decent living.
• The more I am in graduate school, the less I feel like I can interact with the non-academia world around me. 
• I've learned to justify every single thing I do with a logical argument.
• The graduate program I am currently in parallels high school a lot more than I would like it to. It's just petty.
• Again, I won't make a decent living after this.

Now, the people I've met in graduate school are between the best and worst I have ever met. There's no grey area (unlike in my recent dating experience, where every damn thing is a grey area). I think that the good outweighs the bad, but sometimes, just sometimes (and by sometimes I mean every time they open their mouth) I want to stick an used sock down some of the worst people's throats --and then duct-tape their mouths shut. Just saying. 

These lovely creatures aside, I think that graduate school has allowed me to grow as an intellectual and to think critically about everything --which just means that I can't just enjoy a movie anymore, I have to theorize about it. Between graduate school and the changes I've undergone in the past few months (hey, I was called a stupid slut) have changed the way I look at the world and the way the world looks at me. The stress of a broken engagement, calling off the wedding, having long white dress that won't be worn any time soon, getting back into the dating scene, having bad dates, teaching, and oh that little thing called graduation looming around the corner have very effectively added more wrinkles on my face than there should be at twenty five. 

Twenty five has not been the best year of my life, and if I were superstitious I would have thought that my horrendous birthday was enough of an omen, given the fact that my family forgot my birthday, got me the wrong cake, and my then fiancé took me to an auto shop so he could fix his car (romantic, no?). Note to self: On second thought, maybe I should become more superstitious. 

Superstitions aside, the truth is that while I'm completely grateful for the experiences graduate school has allowed me to be a part of, the end of this stage of my life brings me back to a place that it didn't prepare me for: the "real" world. I know a lot of people feel like this at this point in their semesters once they reach that one semester they will graduate. I know that I'm not the only one with an existential crisis.

But sometimes... Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one.