I was almost married once.
I started planning a wedding once, which means I was thrust into the world of wedding blogs and all their wonderful and sparkly splendor.
And then I wasn't getting married anymore.
It was like free-falling through a rabbit hole of sorts. Everyone around me turned on their concerned faces and all I wanted to do was run away from my problems.
Then I started dating again. And that was a shitstorm of nothingness. Nothing made sense.
I was Alice in a wonderland of douches. Douches, douches everywhere.
Just when I decided that I didn't want to date again, I started dating my current boyfriend. One year later, when I'm settling into the idea of being in a relationship I still have failed relationship PTSD moments.
Now, I don't know if it's because I'm still arguably going through my quarter-life crisis, or if it's just because I'm so good at wanting to run, but I'm terrified. I'm also, to my surprise, genuinely happy and excited about a future with this man.
We've come to the point of talking about marriage and the big picture kind of future. We're not engaged or planning a wedding at the moment, but we're having deeper and more significant conversations about building a life together. Needless to say, these conversations weren't a part of my past relationship, pre or post engagement.
Are these talks terrifying? Yes, absolutely. However, they're also comforting on a level I'd never expected. So even when these doubts crop up, I feel confident that I am in a partnership that works, instead of two companies trying to merge unsuccessfully.
As a bonus, because these marriage talks are happening, I feel slightly justified in cruising wedding websites again, even if I don't want a wedding (because being educated in this day and age means an insane amount of student loan payments).
