It's happened to all of us, to the best of us. We tell ourselves that if we hang around enough a non-committal guy, he will want a relationship with us (even if he told us that he's not looking for anything serious). There are varying degrees of this scenario, maybe the guy we're into just got out of a long-term relationship, isn't that into us, maybe he's just a womanizing jerk who operates under full transparency, he was abducted by aliens, his mother didn't love him enough, his mother loved him too much, or [insert worthless excuse here]. I've dated --loose definition-- all of them (and in some cases, I've been a jerk too --it's not just guys who are capable of this).
Any time I started seeing any variation of this guy, it started relatively the same. Sometimes I didn't even like the guys so much. Though everything started on my terms and I was determined to be a casual dater (ha), my imagination kept over-processing every moment and projecting it into seeing myself married to these guys who just wanted to get laid (double ha, something they're still waiting on from me). However, once the innate desire to mold a man into what I wanted him to be and perhaps a need of validation through someone else kicked in, I always found myself investing myself far too much in what I knew were dead-end relationships. I knew I should cut my losses and leave, but the feeling that there might be something else down the road never really let me go as quickly as I should have.
Why is it that we get so attached to people who, for some reason or other, aren't for us? Why do we convince ourselves that we can change someone else's mind? I mean, I know we're pretty fabulous people, but sticking around when someone clearly doesn't want to give us what we want (even if we lie to ourselves saying that we want something casual --been there, done that) isn't adding much to our sense of self-worth (and preservation --it's the survival of the least emotionally-invested out there). And, hey, dating's a numbers game. Sometimes you're going to want to be with people who aren't really looking for your kind of wonderful. Other times people are going to want to date you when you aren't quite feeling it. However, once in a blue moon, you are going to want to date someone who is looking for your kind of wonderful. And that's just, well, magic (and sparkles, rainbows, and whatever Taylor Swift sings about).
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| Hi Chris Pine! What do you mean you don't want me to get hurt? Of course I want something completely casual! I mean, it's not like I'm planning our wedding, naming our unborn children or imagining how you'd look when we're both old. I haven't done any of that at all. P.S. Do you think Andrea is a nice girl name? Why? NO REASON. |
Knowing what I know now, there's no better feeling than someone telling you they want to be with just you from the get-go when you also want to be with them. Even then, I've jumped into my fair share of short-term insanity couplings. The reason why I even got into these dead-end flirtationships was because I craved the thrill of the unknown (but that gets old pretty quickly when you find out he's dating like twenty other girls, too). Call me old-fashioned, but when you're looking for someone to share your life with (and not just fill up a void) I'd rather have someone who wants to be on my team, rather than someone I begged, convinced and bargained for him to be on my team despite his many reservations (and bullshit excuses).
