In any relationship, seriously ANY, there are things that nag away at our core. These are the little things. Sometimes these little things gather up in our proverbial closet and we keep shoving them in until one day they just come tumbling out of it and we're left to face the mess we've ignored for so long.
Then again, if we address those little nuances, we're in for a life of nitpicking and fighting without actually looking at the bigger picture. All those little things that bother us so much are symptomatic of the deeper issues that we may have as individuals and the existing issues in the relationship.
In my case, at least, upon further inspection of these little things that nag me I found that they all came back to the same place: fear. I'm afraid of being vulnerable, afraid that I'm more into this relationship than my boyfriend, and afraid that I'll screw this up somehow.
I realize that this has seventy five percent to do with myself and my psyche. In fact, I don't think I have ever allowed myself to become so vulnerable in a relationship so quickly, and to feel that the other person is holding back emotionally for the sake of maintaining a semblance of control is unnerving. Of course, it's annoying because I've done that before and I know how and why it seems like a good option.
The real truth is that I feel unhinged, vulnerable, and out of control, which is why instead of blowing up at any single thing, I retreated into my mind in order to look for patterns. Once I found the glaringly obvious reason for these little speed bumps, I also realized that I cannot force anyone to come to the same conclusion I have, that perhaps part of my problem is that I need instant gratification and lack patience to see things through.
That doesn't mean, however, that I'm going to keep quiet forever. I can sort through the mess, find the pattern and work it out within myself, but that 25% that is the relationship also needs to be sorted out. That is just something that I can't do on my own.
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