Disappointing my Mother: One Dream at a Time

I wish I could say that the following types of conversations between me and my mother don't happen often. But they occur more often than I would care to admit.

"So you broke up with [insert name of awesome current boyfriend here] because [insert name of pitiful ex-fiance here] bought you a gigantic diamond ring," my mother accusingly yelled from the other side of the phone.

"Wait, what?" I asked.

This was all new to me. Last I checked, I was still in a stable relationship with my current boyfriend.

"In my dream. Last night," she explained, as if that cleared everything up. "You know, the dream I had last night about you."

"Oh. So?" I asked, looking at my computer screen.

"[insert name of pitiful ex-fiance here] bought you a big rose gold diamond ring and you broke up with [insert name of awesome current boyfriend here] because of it. I was livid. LIVID! How dare you break up with  [insert name of awesome current boyfriend here] because of some diamond?! I thought, 'this slut, how dare she shame me that way, after all the bad things that [insert name of pitiful ex-fiance here]?'"

"Um, mom?" I asked, while my query went unrecognized.

"And then, you had the gall to parade that filthy ring around, like it was some prize. Like that asshole is anything anyone would want to take back after the way he treated you. I cannot believe that you took him back after everything he did, and after finding someone so nice, [insert name of awesome current boyfriend here]. I woke up angry at you."

"Mom, you do know I have no control over what you dream, right?" I asked, as she kept rattling off animatedly at me.

"So then I turned to my coworker and loudly said '[insert name of pitiful ex-fiance here] flew to [insert state I'm living in at the moment] and gave my daughter an enormous diamond ring' so that [insert name of pitiful ex-fiance here]'s current girlfriend could hear it."

"What's happening? I'm confused," I asked, not being able to follow her train of thought.

"In my dream. I'm still talking about my dream."

"I see. Mom, first off, the chances of your dream happening are slim to none. Secondly, there's no diamond big enough that would make me leave [insert name of awesome current boyfriend here] for [insert name of pitiful ex-fiance here]."

"Thank God. Don't leave [insert name of awesome current boyfriend here]."

"Ok, mom, I promise," I replied, knowing there was no use arguing about the fact that her mind conjured this dream, not mine.

"I'm still mad because of the dream. I even told your dad about it. I could not believe you would do that to me."

Ladies and gentlemen, this just goes to show that I have mastered disappointing my mother even in her dreams.