Just in Time for Mother's Day

We're getting married. Maybe. I mean, the plans are definitely there (and by there I don't mean just in my head). We're not officially engaged, which I guess makes us engaged to be engaged (or pre-engaged, as one of my friends so lovingly calls this state).

I'm developing a headache just trying to figure out the correct term for this stage in our relationship.

My boyfriend is telling his parents this weekend. I haven't even decided if telling my parents would be a wise idea at this point, particularly, my mother. I could theoretically tell my dad and make him swear he will keep the secret. Theoretically, because my mother has the power to attain information that the CIA and the FBI don't have combined (also, the power to break down a man). I am strangely proud and terrified of being her daughter.

My mother has been constantly pushing the marriage issue the past few years. Every guy I date is suddenly on her watch list for future husband. I just ignore her comments, and promise her that I will never get married. She really loves when I do that.

Reasons why I am hesitant to tell my mother about the nuptials:

1. As of today and the foreseeable next few months, I have no ring. And this is not a good thing for my traditional mother. She will probably hound my poor boyfriend and insist he take one of the rings she's offering to give him (from her jewelry collection).
2. I want a small, 30 people maximum wedding. She will try to make it into a Hollywood-worthy production, disregard any if all of my input of taste, insist it be in the church, and spend thousands of dollars that I don't have. I don't care for some of my extended family (for valid reasons). She will invite all of the extended family (more than 50 people, by my last count).
3. I'm shy. She will broadcast the news even before I have a ring on my finger and decide to tell people about it.

More and more, I panic about losing sight of what a wedding is truly about. It's not about a party, it's about choosing a day to promise another person that I'll be a part of their team, and that he'll be a part of mine. I don't want the real reason for marriage to get lost in the shuffle of planning, as it does for many of my peers.

In a perfect world, my mother would not try to micromanage weddings. Yet, here I am typing these things into a blog as I struggle to make my choice in telling my parents about this exciting development in our lives. I worry that the stress caused by planning the previous wedding will somehow manifest itself in this new one, and that the results will yield being broken up with. Again. This makes me a bit anxious, and it has nothing to do with telling my mother. I think telling my mother makes things real, and I'm very afraid of things being real because that means I can get hurt again.

But getting back to the matter at hand, telling my mother about our plans is still a complicated issue for me. My boyfriend keeps telling me there's an ocean between me and her micromanaging glory. Though technically true, technology has shortened that gap significantly. Also, she can book a flight to "help" me plan a wedding because she has the summer off.

The masochist in me wonders how she'll react to the news. Will she go into MomZilla mode? Will she be stunned into silence and process the information for weeks on end? Will she faint? Do I have to tell her to sit down first? Will she ask me if I'm pregnant? Will she start harassing me? Will she suggest an elopement?

I guess it's just as well that this weekend is Mother's Day. We shall see.