Navel Gazing, et al.

My best friend from high school got married this weekend. It occurred to me, while we were all standing in the courthouse, that our fourteen year old selves could have never predicted how everything would unfold. I suspect fourteen year old me would have been disappointed in how my life has turned out. Then again, fourteen year old me didn't know the first thing about life. Mid twenties me doesn't know, either. The difference is that mid twenties me knows she doesn't know anything, while fourteen year old me thought she had everything figured out.

This makes me wonder, what will mid thirties me's life look like? Will I have a better job, paid off all my crippling debts and have started a family? In a time where we all seem to be overqualified, under-payed and at times unemployed, what does the future hold for us millenials? If the baby boomers can't retire due to economic reasons, the economy keeps going to shit, and the rest of us are performing in menial jobs because we have to "pay our dues" without regards to education level achieved, what does the future look like for us?

Now, there's a lot of speculation lately of how the millenial generation is a self-absorbed vacuum of nothingness. If we were judging based on instagram and facebook accounts alone, I would be inclined to agree that my age group has perfected the art of navel-gazing. However, I believe the act of navel-gazing is one that has happened across the board in previous young working generations. It just so happens that technology and "putting everything out there" in order to connect in a disconnected society has become more and more accessible with technological tools (i.e., smartphones, laptops, tablets). I, for one, can say that no matter how seemingly self-absorbed these internet personas seem to be, most of my peers are hardworking, bright individuals that somewhat differ from the avatar they create online.

However, at times it seems like everything is just not uphill, but vertical from here on. I've been working very hard all my life to get to a financially secure point in my career. I have taken jobs and internships that would allow me to climb to a respectable point in my career. So far, it looks like financial independence, getting out of student loan debt is out of my reach, no matter how hard I work.

Sometimes I look back and wish I hadn't taken out student loans. I only took them for my graduate degree  because it seemed like a worthy investment at the time. After all, education is something you invest in wholeheartedly with the promise of a better future and more opportunities coming your way. Alas, for now, I just sit in my tiny work space dreaming of new things to come, better opportunities and trying to exhaust all and any possibilities.

I am exhausted, but hopefully mid thirties me will have a better life for this exhaustion and sacrifice I am currently going through. After all, if my best friend from high school took the marriage step into adulthood, that means we're all moving towards achieving some kind of adulthood in the midst of an economic recession.